by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
