I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
