At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The power of my boobs compel you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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