if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's the barista slut.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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