So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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