I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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