I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
