He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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