used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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