some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
