hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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