We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
