If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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