My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
