I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
