this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This is the prime rib incident all over again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
