Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
