We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
