I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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