lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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