how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
