i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
