i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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