I got chris browned last night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
