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I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
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