He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
