I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
