Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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