i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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