idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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