my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
4 words: hood of his car
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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