Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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