"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
