I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
