One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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