Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
