Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
