You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dignity is for republicans.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
