Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
