Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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