So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
