Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
