That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
