I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
