a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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