Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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