Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
