There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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