I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Enjoy the penises
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
