I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
