Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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