the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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