Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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