so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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