I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
