you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize