The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
