You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize