My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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