Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
