pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
