The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
