history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
