I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
