So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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