mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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