the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
