i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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