drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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