How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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