Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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