i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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