forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So vagazzling was a success
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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