My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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