nut hugger
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
